Uproar Over Insensitive Handling of Bank
Complaints
Posted on Sunday, November 02,
2008
Topic: Business
by Ayam Sakit
The Damn Bloody Shit (DBS) Bank has once again come under fire for
being insensitive to customers complaining that they had been
misled into purchasing High Risk 5, an investment product linked to
Lehman Brothers.
"Wah lau eh, I walked into the DBS branch and instead of a
handshake, the relationship manager greeted me by raising his palm
and saying, ‘High 5, Lehman Brother!’ Na beh! See me super too lan
and can still joke, is it?!” said a visibly upset Mr Boey Tah
Han.
However, Mr. Chee Pian Ren, a spokesman for DBS, denied the
accusation of insensitivity.
"I did not greet Mr Boey by saying 'Lehman Brother',” he clarified.
“ What I said was ‘Hey, man! Brudder!’ and ask him to gimme a high
five. It was to show solidarity, that I sympathise with his loss.
Management ask us to be friendly and nice, mah. How can he accuse
me! First, he can't even read the words 'Lehman Brother' printed on
the prospectus, now he can’t even hear clearly?" said Mr Ai Pian
Lang. “Our investors are not only blind, they’re deaf and dumb
also.”
While DBS have stated that these High Notes 5 investments are now
worthless, they are looking to find some form of compensation for
their investors.
"Judging by the level of literacy that these people have, we have
arranged for compensation in the form of tickets to watch Hi-5, a
popular kids play show. I'm sure they will enjoy it and forget all
the money they have lost," said Mr. Chee.
Mr Boey expressed disgust at this offer.
"Basket, DBS think we are chewren, is it?” he fumed. “They chop off
my Lehman Brother investment, so I won’t settle for anything less
than chopping off their ‘little brother’.”
In related news, the Prem Binister’s Orifice has clarified his
recent statement that “government should not be making decisions
for individuals.”
Said spokesman Mr. Cheng Hu Kong, “Obviously, that only means
decisions that go wrong, lah. We’re happy to claim credit for
making all the right decisions for individuals. We just don’t want
citizens to get the idea that they can protest and blame the Gahmen
when they make the wrong choices. I mean, now it’s over investment.
What next? Their vote? Cannot lai dat, mah.”
